Comeback to Courtship: My Best Advice For Marriage Minded Women

I never envisioned myself being 35 and on my second marriage.  But here I am… And I wouldn’t have it any other way! I say that with the utmost respect for my amazing Ex and my spectacular Husband!  The truth is we ARE truly products and experts of our own experiences.  I can’t speak for anyone else, but MY experiences have made me a more present, observant person and a much better companion.

During my days of life assessments (and I have many) I reflect on the “Worked Outs” and the “Girl, You Still Got Work To Dos.”  What I often come to conclude is 1) I’m definitely a work in progress but 2) by doing the work my experiences can be of service to others.

So, to my marriage minded single ladies out there I say, stay TRUE to you and STOP shying away from proclaiming what you TRULY want!  We do this by convincing ourselves that we’re not deserving, or not lucky, or whatever BS reasons we’ve told ourselves for why we haven’t been successful in love.  You absolutely deserve the love you want and need in your life and it all starts with getting out of your own way.

During my first marriage I was so focused on what the end goal was that I very seldom lived in the present.   The truth is I had already started my career and was very confident on where it was going far before most of my peers.  This gave me a strong sense of a need to control out of my much stronger fear of public failure.  So as a result, I controlled EVERYTHING! I made myself believe that if I didn’t, nothing would ever go exactly the way I needed it to, to get to where WE were now going.  Not trusting in your partner’s ability to produce is a major red flag in a marriage.  For the life of me I’d LOVE to place the blame on my control freakism or a flaw on his end but the truth is we will never really know what the culprit was because my meddling prohibited that from happening.  So maybe I’ll just absorb that failure…  In fact, I will!

In contrast, my second marriage, I’ve allowed my husband to take the lead.  Let me be clear, I’m not talking submission- although, yes, that is something that I have mildly introduced into my relationship portfolio (I’m sure we’ll touch on that at another time).  I’m talking getting out of his way to let the man do what he does.  This alone could make or break a relationship, but both of those results are of great benefit to you.

Do YOU know what the man of your affections is truly capable of? The type of lover, provider, professional, or partner he’s capable of being without your prompt or involvement?  You should, and the earlier you know the better off in determining if what he brings to the table will stand the test of time with YOU.

I know of women who have literally proposed to themselves and made procreation decisions solely on their own!  You have to ask yourself are you looking for a life partner or just a cardboard cutout to check a spouse box or a name on a birth certificate? Ladies, I know we live in the days of ‘we don’t need no man!’  But if you WANT one, our men still need to be needed in order to be the men WE need them to be!  This was a painful lesson that took me a long time to learn but now that I’m here let me save you some time…

Get out of his way and let him do what he does.  There’s no greater answer to ‘is he the one?’ like the one he’s capable of giving you by answering that question with a demonstration that affirms your belief that he is, or destroys your faith that he ever was.  Either way you have your answer and if that means moving on, at least you can avoid the divorce papers!

Comeback Kids if you have advice for marriage minded women looking for a husband, please share in the comment section below using the #ComebackWithEricaCobb

 

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