Why Do We Allow Discomfort In Our Lives?
Welcome back to Comeback with Erica Cobb, a community of folks like yourselves who are getting ready and staying ready for their next chapters.
So I want to talk about the idea of making people comfortable, with them making you feel uncomfortable. And I’ve talked about this on DBL and it seems to be kind of a prevailing theme all over the place. I’ve heard this a lot, so I really want to dive into what this is all about.
When you make someone comfortable with them making you feel uncomfortable, then it’s not really about them. Although we put it in our minds that it is. We say that it’s the selfless thing to do. It’s the altruistic thing to do, but really no, it’s about us trying to find comfort in the discomfort thatsomeone else has projected onto us.
Are y’all following this or do we need flowcharts?
You see what I’m saying? Because realistically in that moment you’re making a decision as opposed to calling this out on the spot and maybe dealing with fallout of people thinking a certain way about you ordealing with the fallout of making them in return feel uncomfortable or even sitting in that because it’s really uncomfortable when you call out on the spot that someone has made you feel uncomfortable.
We decide that we are going to just eat it. We’re just going to sit with it ourselves because we don’t want that type of fallout. We just don’t want the smoke in that moment. But I’m going to encourage you to take the smoke because if you don’t take the smoke in that moment, what ends up happening is after a matter of time, this situation is going to cross some pretty substantial boundaries for you and you’re going to have to deal with that fallout or after a matter of time, it’s going to be so many instances of discomfort that youare going to lose it and you’re going to lose it over something very small.
Why? Because you’re fed up and you’ve decided that that’s enough. And now all of the discomfort around you has to do with your ability to overreact to a small situation. But what isn’t seen is that there have been all of these violations along the way with someone wanting you to be comfortable with them making you uncomfortable.
So what I’m really saying is you can either deal with the fallout in the moment and perhaps it was unintentional. Perhaps it’s a teaching opportunity for said person or said circumstance. And that way you’re dealing with it for what it is when it’s there as opposed to just continuing to absorb it and hoping that it stops.
Because really what we’re doing is we are teaching people how to treat us and if we continue to give the message that certain behaviors are okay, certain situations that we’re placed in are okay, then there’s going to come a time because we are human, where it’s not going to be okay, and then what are we going to do?
So really by calling out your discomfort in the moment, you’re actually saving yourself a lot of stress, a lot of anxiety, and you’re saving yourself from a breakdown from when that discomfort becomes toomuch for you to bear because it’s only a matter of time before that happens.
So those are just my thoughts this week and I also want to follow up with you guys to let you know that my podcast is coming next week and I’m super excited about it and really Comeback with Erica Cobb is all about you.
I mean it’s about me too, but it’s about our journeys together because I do believe that human experiences are very shared experiences and there’s something to be learned from all of us and I really want you guys to get comfortable with the idea of authenticity of being the most you you can possibly be on your journey to success because I don’t believe that there is a journey to success without you bringing the biggest, strongest, most dynamic version of yourself.
And that only happens through true authenticity. And I’m going to tell you it is not an easy road. Vulnerability is like literally the worst. I know because I find myself very vulnerable a lot of the time, but there are very few instances where I have regret about being vulnerable and authentically who I am andjust really putting myself out there because there comes a time when you can’t live in a very restricted and limited space, especially if you’re a growing person, if you’re a thriving person.
And I think that Comeback with Erica Cobb was always about a community. It was about the idea that together we’ll be brave enough to make some pretty big steps. And if this space and this platform is any indication of how far I’ve been able to come just by deciding to be a little bit brave and a little bit vulnerable, then I invite you to join in with me on this journey because it’s really something special.
And I want to come back with you. So check me out next week and definitely look for my podcast. Thank you for spending just a little bit of time with me on Comeback with Erica Cobb.